We ride and never worry 'bout the fall,

I am so fucking tired. So tired of every single thing. So tired of our relationship. So tired of quarrelling with you, getting worried and upset over things that I really don't have to be.

I don't know why am I still together with you. Its been so long. Too long in fact. I wonder if its true like what everyone said, habit. What am I to you? A habit too? 

I love you, no doubt. So much so that I can forgive everything that you did. The cheating, the lies, the cheating, the lies, more cheating, more lies, more cheating and more lies. I forgave every single thing. Trust me no other girl can do that. I am so fucking amazed by myself sometimes. You said I didn't change, you said you came back because I held you back, Honestly honey if you didn't want you to, you wouldn't come back too. I'd never seen you hold me back do you know? Do I mean that little? If I do maybe you can tell me, so I know where I stand. If you love me, you will hold me back.

But not once did you hold me back.

I am always the one doing that.

Makes me think how much I mean to you right now.

What if I go now, will you hold me back? 

I doubt you will.

Nahhhhh cause you never did.

It has always been just me.

One man show.

Would you cry if I didn't come back? Or you would do the same as you did before?

I left you once, I won't leave you again. But please don't make me do that. Because deep down inside I love you so much that I wish to spend forever with you. Despite all my flaws, our arguments, our disagreements, our unhappiness towards each other, I fucking love you. Please don't do any fucking bullshit. Or I'll leave. I'll never come back. I've done it once I can do it twice. But I won't, because I made a promise to myself.

Am I the only one holding on to this relationship? If it is, its time to tell me.

I am so fucking tired I feel like dying already.

I am so tired. Happy christmas.

Grenade is playing on MTV. Bruno Mars is not good looking but his songs are damn good.

Do I look like I club at all!? Why are people shocked when I say I don't!? Sigh sigh sigh turning 18 in 20 more weeks! Not bad! The last time I kept track was like 24 weeks? Haha. Ok my head is booming like boom boom boom so painful sigh. Thinking about what happened I'm just so glad i'm not in the circle. Never ever wanna be.

So complicated.

Too long actually. I'd been meaning to blog, but there's always something stopping me. Now that I'd finally decided to, I shall make use of this time. 4am in the morning, and I can't fall asleep. As usual, huh? Life had been up and down, its a wild rollercoaster ride. It'd never stopped, sometimes I wonder when will this ride stop and what's it gonna be next? I am so afraid of my own future. I don't even know how's it gonna be like.

Ok stop.

I really want to delete all my entries but I've no idea how to -______________- 

I guess I'll take things as it comes. And go with the flow.

I guess I'm going to do what you did the last time, perhaps it would be horrible for a period of time, but I can see the result of it, you are much happier now. You don't know I'm talking about you because you probably won't be reading this space, but now I know so clearly what was it that you decided to let go.

I'm leaving this space, too. I'm going to leave it all behind.

And I'm going to move forward with what I won't trade for anything.

I've learnt one thing.

All that glitter is not gold.

Staring at Leon Chua's newly dyed red hair, I laughed at her and said

"EH YOU KIM MOH HAHAHAHAHAHA"

which she replied, "KIM IS GOLD"

so I thought for a second and asked her

"Okay what is red?"

To which I answered the question myself and rofl-ing on the bed with her.

ANG MOH.

I'm enjoying my life, I like the way things are. Not gonna trade it for anything else. ♥